americans the other 364 days of the year: america isn't all that great i mean we need to fix a whole lot of shit
americans on july 4th: AMERI CA YEAH BEER AND FRE E D OM ON THE WIN GS OF A FUC KING EAG LE SUCK IT ENGLAND !!! !
posted 2 months ago with 93,075 notes
via:prospitiandersite source:contrabasse
#cap day

dorkly:

The 5 Greatest Weaknesses of DC Superheroes

posted 2 months ago with 58,774 notes
via:superpotterlock-cumberbitchstyle source:dorkly

thegrayfox:

alright

posted 2 months ago with 253,539 notes
via:prospitiandersite source:thegrayfox

sweaty-fallen-angel:

historic-fallen-angel:

ackelz:

ackelz:

what do you call an angel who never wins?

loseifer

image

This is now my new favorite picture on tumblr

posted 2 months ago with 35,928 notes
via:prospitiandersite source:ackelz
#lucifer #spn

professional-phan-girl:

highschoolmuiscaldirectors:

420kmh:

high school musical directors, u ok?

yes we are ok are r u ok?

I am so done.

tastefullyoffensive:

[robotpolarbear]

posted 2 months ago with 31,090 notes
via:give-castiel-a-dean source:tastefullyoffensive

littlemorethananerd:

soylentvanilla:

Don’t tell me you “understand” why I’m vegan. If you understood you’d be vegan, too.

Understanding doesn’t equal agreement. I understand why Walter White started to cook meth, doesn’t mean I’m gonna buy an RV and a barrel of methylamine.

posted 2 months ago with 400,576 notes
via:give-castiel-a-dean source:soylentvanilla
#this

iamtonysexual:

horus-zahak:

biggggblack:

aaamaaazooon:

LET’S DO A REVIEW OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH

WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS

I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT

FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING

image

THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FUCKER SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS

image

rub me on your body

ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT

image

IDK ABOUT YALL BUT LAST I CHECKED THE EXACT PURPOSE OF BODY WASH IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN SO THAT RIGHT THERE WAS A RED FLAG BUT I PROCEEDED, ALBEIT WITH PROPER PRECAUTION AS TO AVOID APPLYING AROUND MY EYES AS DIRECTED BY THE PACKAGING OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. ALSO IT SAYS TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE MARKETING THIS PRODUCT NOT FOR CHILDREN BUT FOR GROWN MEN SUCH AS MYSELF

I APPLIED A GENEROUS AMOUNT TO MY HANDS TO BEGIN THE CLEANING.

image

i’m so fucked up

AND THAT WAS WHEN THE MOST POTENT SMELL OF ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BERRY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE

I NEARLY FELL OVER IN THE SHOWER. IT WAS SO FUCKING BERRY. IT WAS LIKE I MADE SWEET LOVE TO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC BERRY WOMAN AND DOVE NOSE-FIRST INTO HER GUSHING FRUITY LOINS. THERE WAS NO FURTHER DOUBT THAT THIS WAS INDEED LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. IT’S NO WONDER LISA FRANK’S ART IS ALL SO COLORFUL, SHE’S FUCKING HIGH AS BALLS HUFFING HER BERRY-ASS BODY WASH.

IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER

0/10 WOULD NOT BERRY AGAIN

I FUCKING AM CHOKING AND PEEING AND DYING OF LAUGHTER I JUST FUCKING CAN’T RIGHT NOW. PLEASE REVIVE ME SWEET LORD.

This post is my life force

note to self: make an audio post of this

(Source: braingremlinmovedblogs)

slimiest:

a CEO walks into his office “any messages?” he asks his assistant
“two anons want to know who tom petty is and one just says ‘post your ballsack’”
“got it. check my dashboard”
“that skeleton gif you like is back again”
he rubs his chin pensively “mm. reblog that”

posted 2 months ago with 298,887 notes
via:i-am-so-goddamn-stupid source:slimiest

jetn:

fingersareoptional:

fingersareoptional:

fingersareoptional:

fingersareoptional:

fingersareoptional:

fingersareoptional:

*prepares party popper*

*nervously shakes the party popper*

*slowly falls asleep with the party popper*

*has a wonderful night with the party popper*

*gets married to the party popper*

It’s a beautiful evening in February. My wife and I are sitting at the fireplace, when suddenly a terrible image appears on the screen of my computer.

My wife looks at me. As I look in her terrified, cardboard eyes, filled with tears, she takes a deep breath, before saying with her shivering voice “It’s what you’ve always wanted, dear. Do it.” My hands start shaking and a lone tear rolls down my cheek. “I can’t, honey. I’m not like that anymore.” “I will do it.” a small voice behind us says. As I turn around, my eyes cross with my son; our son. “You don’t have to do this, Benedict.” I say, as I hold his hands.

Ignoring what I told him, young Benedict Popper-Are Optional holds my wife’s cardboard body in one hand, and her long, beautiful string in the other. With tears in my eyes, I turn my head away. A loud pop sounds behind me and I watch in terror as I see my wife’s confetti spread across the room.

"It’s what you’ve always wanted, dad…" my son says, putting his small, cardboard hand on my shoulder. "Yes," I say, "but not like this… Never like this…"

what the actual fuck

posted 2 months ago with 295,882 notes
via:i-am-so-goddamn-stupid source:fingersareoptional

thelovelyartistic:

dolphinboy89:

i dont even know where to start

what the fuck is that behind the chair

(Source: 12-gauge-rage)

posted 2 months ago with 276,728 notes
via:i-am-so-goddamn-stupid source:12-gauge-rage

whisperwhisk:

hailgaysatan666:

eudaemaniacal:

gayobamafanfiction:

pricklybangbang:

today at work i asked a customer if he wanted french vanilla creamer with his coffee and he said no because he wanted the “heterosexual” creamer instead and it just blows my mind that straight people say shit about how queer people “force our sexuality on them” because i have never met a single queer person who has done something like assign a sexuality to coffee creamer

its coded homophobia. a lot of men do it, with things they think are too girly, frilly, fancy for them to use. its like “UGH NO NOT FRENCH VANILL!!! MAN CREAM!!” because fancy and feminine men are inherently gay to some men.

there is some guy who gets a raspberry scone every morning at the coffeeshop next door and the few days that barista friend made them into heart shapes, he just… “oh… yeah… uh… I’m Not Hungry.” couldn’t think of eating his fav scone, only on the days that they were shaped like hearts

they had to stop making the hearts because they wouldn’t sell

men

how do men even exist

i dunno but brb going out to get some

image

(Source: supremecute)

posted 2 months ago with 74,408 notes
via:kirktheberk source:supremecute

misbehaving-musician:

professor-whom:

family-of-poops:

lifeofadisneykid:

thewritingfortress:

fuckyeahassortedstuff:

FOR KIDS

OMG I GET THE REFERENCE

I DON’T SO PLEASE EXPLAIN IT TO ME.

Oedipus killed his own father then married and had children with his mother

and after he found out it was his mom he stabbed his own eyes

History’s definition of a motherfucker, essentially

(Source: disnerdherd)

posted 2 months ago with 256,748 notes
via:give-castiel-a-dean source:disnerdherd

untrusts:

femne:

femne:

I splashed water and made a family

why does this have this many notes its so stupid 

they’re mourning the death of their large-headed baby

(Source: chilidawg66)

posted 2 months ago with 19,491 notes
via:livinginaworldofgoldfish source:chilidawg66

floatdowns:

school
reblog if you cried 

dear cas